My Name Is Kasey and I Am Basic

I have a disease. It's this terrible thing I do with my mind where I compare myself to other people and their accomplishments and end up feeling as small and insignificant as a tear drop in the ocean. Ok, that's a little extreme. I don't actually feel quite THAT small, but I do get an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. I'm just basic. Basic as in I am the base model. The iPhone 3 in a world of 6+. Your basic white girl, if you will. But no PSLs for me, I'll stick with my favorite basic drink: black coffee.

        

 I am not the prettiest, smartest, or even wittiest person in the room. And I often find myself screaming on the inside because I have this need to be perfect. As much as I hate that about myself, I want to be the smartest. I want people to like me and enjoy my company. I need my house to be clean and decorated to the best of my ability. But WHY. I have a disease. 

   

From the minute we take our first breath, we are consumers. Born into a sinful world that preaches to be happy is to have, we must make our way. We become slaves to our reputation and our titles and somewhere along the road we lose who we really are and who we're meant to be in a forest of selfishness, "wants" and "goals" and ideals that we planted ourselves because we have been conditioned to think that is what life if about. The american dream. Reminds me a little of Jack and the Beanstalk but I'm Jack and I sold my one useful item for the promise of riches. But as I sat tonight thinking about how I am only slightly good at the things that I love, where others surpass me by leaps and bounds with their talent and success (pity party), God spoke to me. 

True value is not measured by the standards of the world. The world doesn't care that you prayed with that women at work today, but it matters to God and it's far more import to Him than that extra zero you want added to your paycheck. Success isn't bad. Do not misunderstand my words. Success is a gift from God because everything is a gift. I'm just saying we shouldn't be wasting our time chasing perfection or trying to fill a mold set for us by the world. God doesn't care if you're a CEO or working in the mail room. He doesn't care if you have a next level pinterest-worthy house or live in a house held together by sticks and mud in the middle of the jungle. True value is only found in Jesus. He doesn't look at your degrees and your net worth, He looks at what you did with it to further His kingdom. My disease and thief of my joy is my need to compare myself to others. It is a constant battle that with the grace of God I am learning to overcome. Though sadly my thief isn't actually a thief at all. That would mean it slipped in without my knowing. The truth is half the time I warmly invite the evil in, maybe not as I would to a welcomed friend but as I would to a distant relative whom I  kind of dislike but will willingly entertain while I have to. The point is, I opened the door. 

So back to the word basic. It can mean "base model, no extras, nothing fancy, just your typical everyday." But it can also mean, "forming or relating to the most important part of something." We are each in our own way absolutely crucial and fundamental to God's plan. The big picture. That being said, I will unashamedly accept being "basic" all day every day. I will stop letting the thief in and I will learn to live a life rooted in God's will for my life no matter how the small the return may seem by the world's standards. 

Hype Humanitarianism

Disclaimer: Let me start by saying this is not meant to offend anyone. It is simply a rant born out of my own conviction.

Because well known charities like the (RED) campaign and TWLOHA (TO Write Love On Her Arms) are so publicly supported by popular clothing stores and companies like GAP, Hot Topic, and Starbucks, the general public is now slightly more aware of different opportunities/avenues of which to give back to society- more so than they may have been in the past. I think it's great that these charities have been able to market their products to raise awareness for their causes and I'm sure they have been able to raise a lot of money because of it. Especially since they've been able to reach a younger demographic than maybe your average charity, that targets the settled and well off middle aged+ adult. All of this is great. I see nothing wrong with purchasing a shirt to support a cause. My only concern is with the phrase "raising awareness". I remember several months back people were all changing their twitter and facebook profile photos in order to "raise awareness" for some charity or cause and I was very confused as to what exactly they hoped to gain by doing this. Sure, people were aware of the opportunity to give to that particular charity or made aware that a problem existed BUT did that really accomplish anything?

I see it this way. Let's say during election season I decided to put a campaign sign in my yard for the candidate I thought would make the best president but never left my house to vote. But I went through all the trouble to post that sign in my yard, so I did my part to raise awareness that this candidate was a good choice to lead our nation. Sure I might've encouraged others to vote, but what did I actually do about it other than take a few minutes to post a sign?

As christians, we should want to do more than just raise awareness. We are called to do more than what is convenient. It's easy to buy a shirt or a pair of TOMs. But what if every person that bought a pair of TOMS decided to give an hour a week of their time to volunteer at a kids home or soup kitchen? What would it look like (Other than a bunch of worship leaders/youth pastors gathered in a room together)? I'm not trying to sound judgmental or say that buying TOMS or a (RED) product is wrong, but I strongly ask you to consider digging a little deeper here.

The root of the problems we face in the world today isn't that we lack the resources to change the state of things, but that we have become so comfortable where we are, with just buying a pair of shoes, that we think it is enough or that we've done our part. I've bought my TWLOHA/(RED)/TOMS bumper sticker so I'm good. Seriously? The Bible says to be "doers of the word, not hearers only." (James 1:22-27 ESV) Do is a verb here. Jesus didn't say "GO therefore and change your profile picture so that people know there are starving children in the world that need food". He said, "feed my sheep."

I don't want to leave this word with a promise on my lips. I want to leave this world knowing that I did all I could to change it. I'm not saying any of this stuff to sound holier-than-thou. This is just something I have been convicted of myself recently and I wanted to share it. We have to stop the hype humanitarianism somewhere. Let me put it into perspective for you. While you were deciding which color TOMS to purchase...

• One child dies ever 21 seconds from waterborne illness due to lack of access to clean drinking water.
• One person dies ever 4 seconds from starvation, most of which are children.
• One person every 20 seconds dies from AIDS, which is treatable with the proper medication and care.
• 600,000 to 800,000 individuals are trafficked each year.

I haven't even begun to list abuse statistics and drug and homelessness stats. But I think you get the idea. I don't see anything wrong with buying a pair of TOMS or a (RED) product to support those causes. But as a christian, I feel that I shouldn't just feel satisfied with something I can write off of my taxes at a later date. It's time for the church to be the church and put to rest this charitable complacency that has become all too familiar. It's going to be tough and uncomfortable but the fact that I am writing this from the comfort from a warm dry home full of food and clean water is enough reason to go beyond just reposting a photo to raise awareness. If you're going to love people as Jesus did, you're going to have to be willing to walk the walk as well as stick the bumpersticker.

"Jesus wept." - John 11:35

When I was reading through John this morning, I came across this verse. It's the shortest verse in the Bible, but I think it gets passed over too often. There's so much to take away from those two words.

To really understand all the meaning packed into this verse, you have to know what's going on in the context. Here you have Jesus coming to the side of his grieving friends at the death of their brother, Lazarus. Now when I first heard this verse as a kid, I assumed Jesus was weeping because his friend had passed away. It made sense. But when I really started reading this passage today, a little more came to mind. Why would Jesus be crying when he knew he had the power to raise Lazarus from the dead? That really took this verse to a completely different level for me. Maybe Jesus was crying because he also felt the heartbreak his friends were experiencing. He empathized with them. He was fully human and therefore had human emotions and experienced pain. He wept. I think you can also take a lot from that word "wept". He didn't just shed a few tears, he "wept" with his friends. He mourned with them. He hurt with them.

I think we sometimes forget about the humanity of Christ. We set him up on this unreachable place. He's this velvet painting with a halo around him. Too often we see Christ as two dimensional when we need to understand he had human emotions and human reactions. But He was still sinless and had complete faith in his Father.

In Luke 14:36, we see Jesus praying in the garden to His father. He calls out to God, "Abba". We see his intimate relationship with his Father just from the way he calls out to Him. Then Jesus prays with such intensity blood and sweat drop from his brow. Now I used to be under the idea that Jesus was upset because he knew he was about to die. But Jesus' inner struggle was on a much deeper level than that. It wasn't until I read David Platt's comments on this passage that it hit me. It shook me as a new understanding washed over me. Jesus knew that when he took the fate of the world upon his shoulders by dying on the cross, he was also taking on the wrath of God in a concentrated, unfathomable form. This wasn't just wrath from one person or for a few sins; this was the wrath of all the sins the world had committed, that were being committed, and would be committed forever until the end of time. Therefore, separating him from His Father. That was what weighed so heavily upon His mind. Yet even in His humanity, (emotions, pain, and all) He did what He was sent to do. No complaints. Only humble acceptance.

If we fail to recognize the humanity of Christ, we miss out on the beauty of the story. God sent His only son to live a life on earth as a human. He felt sadness, pain, and fear. He was tempted. He was no stranger to the obstacles we face. But even in his humanity, he still had complete faith in God and did the work of His Father. We are to live as examples of Christ because He was the example set for us.

Intoxicating.

I took a trip to the mountains with my family last weekend. You really can't capture the beauty of the mountains with words. I tried with my camera and failed miserably. I love it there. It's my favorite place to be, only second to the beach. I love it because of how small I feel when I'm there. My own insignificance becomes blindingly apparent amongst the towering landscape as I am reminded of how great God is.

Now before I can really finish this blog, I need to explain something. I constantly listen to music when I'm in the car. It's not that I'm anti-social, I just really enjoy that time where I can spend a few uninterrupted hours really digging into some music. So naturally on this trip, I was snuggled into my hoodie, ear buds in, taking in the view along The Blueridge Parkway. I was listening to Bryan and Katie Torwalt's "Here On Earth" when one of the songs really got a hold of me. And maybe it's weird, but I tend to have these mini worship services when I listen to worship music, even in random places. It doesn't matter where I am, in my room, on the beach, or at the gym. I guess I'm just easily overwhelmed by music. It has that effect on me. (In fact, I fell on the treadmill one time because I got a little too into a live Hillsong recording and missed my beat. You can laugh. The elderly lady walking next to me did.)

So here I am sitting in the back of my parents van looking out at these huge purple and blue silhouettes sweeping across the horizon and "I Breathe You In" starts playing. And as strange as it may sound, I just started crying like a little baby. There is no doubt in my mind that God was trying to tell me something in that moment. I've had a lot of doubts lately about a lot of different things, and I keep forgetting that I serve a God who is bigger than all of my petty issues. His ways are not our ways, as hard as that may be to swallow sometimes. Even when we can't fully comprehend our situation, He knows the outcome and holds everything in His hands. And the best part is even when we try to do everything on our own, He never leaves us. His presence always surrounds. It's intoxicating, refreshing, fulfilling, and sustaining. We need only to breath Him in.

I sat there in the back of the van allowing God to break me down, break down all the doubts and fears I'd been building. Because in all honestly, my mind was starting to look like a Jenga game. As scary as it is and as naked as it makes us feel, God wants us to surrender all our hopes and dreams to Him. Will they line up with His plans? I don't know. Sometimes we're not meant to know the answers.

My favorite line of the song is "when I don't understand, I will choose You." And that's been my prayer all this week. I may not know how any of this will end, but I'm going to trust God with all of it because He is good.

Fuel

I have a confession. And I know it's probably a terrible thing, but...I have this horrible habit of waiting as long as possible before refilling my tank of gas in my car. It's kind of like a weird game of chicken, where I see just how long I can drive with the gas light on before I break down and get more gas. My dad says it's really bad for my car and stupid, considering I could get caught in traffic and run out. And he's right. It is.

I was thinking a lot about this tonight. And you're probably seriously reconsidering your decision to read this blog right now, but I promise I'm going somewhere with this. As christians, we have this habit of doing that same thing to our relationship with God. We see how long we can go on a spiritual high before we "fill up" again. And that's wrong. Our relationship with God needs to be something we are constantly and consistently pursuing. We don't have any idea of the things we might face on any given day. We don't know the people God has placed in our paths to talk to on any given day. So it's better to be prepared that to come up short. We don't need to wait until we need to hear something from God before we seek Him. We should already be doing that, seeking Him everyday and asking the Holy Spirit to invade us.

All this has been brewing in my mind because lately I've really felt convicted in my own life. Seek God first. Because let's be honest, if you feel far from God, it's your own fault. God doesn't leave us, we wander off. It's a constant process. Seek God; find Him. It's not so much that we're asking the Holy Spirit to be present in our lives. Because as christians, the Holy Spirit dwells within us. Our prayer should be that we will recognize it and respond to it.

There is a phrase that I really hate. And that is "spiritually mature". There is never a time where after reaching a certain level of righteousness, a man shows up at your door with an award stating you've reached full spiritual maturity and then confetti cannons go off. That's because maturation is continuous. We work for it, but it's not something we can actually achieve here on earth. Although I do know there are some people father along in their maturation than others, we all have things we need to work on, learn. Maybe it's not so much a matter of where you are in your growth, but the fact that you are still growing and not becoming stagnant.

All this just to say, pursue God everyday. Don't wait until you have a need or the low fuel light comes on.

Good artists inspire other artists to be good artists.

I feel exactly like this about musicians.

The world does not need more Christian writers. It needs more good writers who are Christians. -- C. S. Lewis