I took a trip to the mountains with my family last weekend. You really can't capture the beauty of the mountains with words. I tried with my camera and failed miserably. I love it there. It's my favorite place to be, only second to the beach. I love it because of how small I feel when I'm there. My own insignificance becomes blindingly apparent amongst the towering landscape as I am reminded of how great God is.
Now before I can really finish this blog, I need to explain something. I constantly listen to music when I'm in the car. It's not that I'm anti-social, I just really enjoy that time where I can spend a few uninterrupted hours really digging into some music. So naturally on this trip, I was snuggled into my hoodie, ear buds in, taking in the view along The Blueridge Parkway. I was listening to Bryan and Katie Torwalt's "Here On Earth" when one of the songs really got a hold of me. And maybe it's weird, but I tend to have these mini worship services when I listen to worship music, even in random places. It doesn't matter where I am, in my room, on the beach, or at the gym. I guess I'm just easily overwhelmed by music. It has that effect on me. (In fact, I fell on the treadmill one time because I got a little too into a live Hillsong recording and missed my beat. You can laugh. The elderly lady walking next to me did.)
So here I am sitting in the back of my parents van looking out at these huge purple and blue silhouettes sweeping across the horizon and "I Breathe You In" starts playing. And as strange as it may sound, I just started crying like a little baby. There is no doubt in my mind that God was trying to tell me something in that moment. I've had a lot of doubts lately about a lot of different things, and I keep forgetting that I serve a God who is bigger than all of my petty issues. His ways are not our ways, as hard as that may be to swallow sometimes. Even when we can't fully comprehend our situation, He knows the outcome and holds everything in His hands. And the best part is even when we try to do everything on our own, He never leaves us. His presence always surrounds. It's intoxicating, refreshing, fulfilling, and sustaining. We need only to breath Him in.
I sat there in the back of the van allowing God to break me down, break down all the doubts and fears I'd been building. Because in all honestly, my mind was starting to look like a Jenga game. As scary as it is and as naked as it makes us feel, God wants us to surrender all our hopes and dreams to Him. Will they line up with His plans? I don't know. Sometimes we're not meant to know the answers.
My favorite line of the song is "when I don't understand, I will choose You." And that's been my prayer all this week. I may not know how any of this will end, but I'm going to trust God with all of it because He is good.
