The world does not need more Christian writers. It needs more good writers who are Christians. -- C. S. Lewis
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I feel exactly like this about musicians.
some more stuff.
Sometimes I meet people and wonder how on earth they were able to obtain a boyfriend/girlfriend. Then I meet their significant other and it all makes sense. Then there is the other side of that where I wonder how on earth some people are still single.
There is nothing more beautiful to me than being able to see God in someone else. In what they say. In how they act. In how they treat others. It spills out of them onto everything they touch. I guess a simple word for it would be character. It is a rare thing to find. And when it's found, I can't help but admire it.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
stuff
I've so much on my mind and heart lately. God's been pulling weeds out of me that were rooted pretty deep. One of those being fear. Because the truth is, I'm afraid of what God's calling me to do.
I've always felt God calling me into doing something musical. Music has always been a huge part of my life and I believe God has woven it within every fiber of my body. There is just something about music that moves me like nothing else does. It's like someone reaches down into my soul and strums it like a harp; it resonates with in me. That is an incredibly cheesy analogy, I know. But I don't know how to explain it really.
I've always felt God calling me into doing something musical. Music has always been a huge part of my life and I believe God has woven it within every fiber of my body. There is just something about music that moves me like nothing else does. It's like someone reaches down into my soul and strums it like a harp; it resonates with in me. That is an incredibly cheesy analogy, I know. But I don't know how to explain it really.
I've felt Him calling me to do this for some time now. But I keep throwing excuses at Him because I'm scared. I'm not a great singer. I'm definitely not anywhere near a great guitar player. My piano is limited. Why not pick someone better equipped and talented? I've been fighting this for a while, but God got a hold of me a few weeks ago and gave me a good shaking. I was sitting in New Testament class and my teacher was talking about when Jesus chose his disciples. I guess I should blame the felt-board stories from sunday school, but I always pictured the disciples as full grown men with beards and laugh lines. However, some of the disciples were actually several years younger than I am now when God called them to follow Him. And he didn't call the rabbis. He didn't go after the greatest scholars and political leaders. He called fishermen. He called doctors.
Because He doesn't care about the amount of degrees you possess. He doesn't care if you aren't the best. He wants to use you because it is in our weakness that His power is the most evident. 2 Cor. 12:8-10. When God uses our weaknesses, we can't boast. Because it is only through his power that we are what we are. There is no sense in being afraid. And what am I afraid of? Looking like a goob? Being laughed out for sucking so bad? It doesn't matter. because it's not about me. It's about trusting God. And if God wants me to get up on a stage and play a song that may possibly be the cheesiest thing the world has ever heard or if he wants me to lead a group of people in worship, as long as that is what He wants from me. I'll do it. I'm a servant. And servants don't choose the tasks they are assigned. they simply do what their master asks of them. no questions asked.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
J-Team '10
Looks like God wants me back in Jamaica this summer. Maybe it's to lead worship for the team or maybe it's just to check on my little man O'shane. Who knows. I don't know what God is thinking. I have no money saved. And I don't even know if there is a spot open, but I definitely feel that's where I'm meant to be. And if this is what God wants, He'll make a way.
I really should be studying for my biology test tomorrow, but here I am...
The subject of worship has been popping up in my life a lot recently. I feel like maybe it’s God's subtle way of telling me what He’s calling me to do? I don’t know. That's a whole different blog. However my point in writing this one is to just share what comes to my mind when I think about worship. And that is David.
David is one of my heroes. His prayers and songs were so honest and open. He sang when he was broken hearted, full of joy, when he screwed up, when he was convicted, and even when he was afraid. That is because David understood the true meaning of worship.
When I say worship, every person reading this will have a different idea of what that word means. To some, worship is just lights, guitars, a stage, etc. To others, maybe it’s singing a hymn or two before the pastor speaks. But worship is so much more than that. Since my dad’s in ministry, I've been in many different churches and I've seen many different styles of "worship". But I think somewhere along the way, it's become a selfish practice. People show up on sunday morning to get what they can out of worship and they fail to realize that worship has nothing to do with we want at all. And until that changes, we'll continue to miss out on something beautiful. Worship is sacrifice. It’s not about me and it's not about what I want.
I think David said it best. He'd fallen into sin and was told to buy a piece of land to sacrifice on in order to repent. So he went to this man in order to buy his threshing floor. The man told David that he could just have it free of charge. But David refused his offer. This was his response: "I will not give unto God that which cost me nothing."
To me, that is a perfect picture of worship. David didn't want to take a free threshing floor and give that over to God because God deserves something far more precious. Worship is costly, whether that be our time or even our dignity. I remember overhearing an older lady in our church talking to someone about the song “Undignified” one time saying she thought the song was silly and she refused to be undignified. She said that she was a Godly woman and to be undignified was just wrong. That was so sad to me. What is dignity but a pretty mask for pride to hide behind? As christians, we are to be like Christ. And Christ, the son of God, hung on a dirty, shameful cross for sins He did not commit. We actually talked about this in New Testament recently, but one of the main reasons Jews give for Jesus not being the messiah was because He was crucified. And Crucifixion was considered one of the lowest forms of punishment reserved only for those rejected by society. So why would the Son of God allow himself to die in such a humiliating manner? If Jesus could put dignity aside so that I might have life, that is more than enough for me to be undignified in my worship. Who cares what other people think? How can we truly worship when all we're thinking about is what others are thinking of us, the music being played, or songs being sung? Worship is falling at the feet of Jesus, pouring out all we are, and realizing who He is. True worship, pure worship, starts by the condition of our heart as we enter into it. It requires something of us. It is sacrificial, introspective, humiliating, and honest. Without that, the words are just words. The music is just lines and notes on a page. It is in that raw, honest moment of humility and surrender before the throne of God that we breathe life unto what we are singing. Worship isn't just singing how awesome God is, it's realizing how insignificant we are. I want my worship to be like David’s. I want my worship to be honest, and if that's crying out to God in anguish because I'm in a deep valley looking up at a mountain, than so be it. I won't let anyone tell me what worship is or isn't. It doesn't have to be pretty. Worship is too beautiful a thing to waste. And I would hate to miss out on that.
Maybe I’m just rambling now. It’s really late and I’m half asleep. But I guess I’ve heard/read so much about worship lately I just had some overflow thoughts. The end.
The subject of worship has been popping up in my life a lot recently. I feel like maybe it’s God's subtle way of telling me what He’s calling me to do? I don’t know. That's a whole different blog. However my point in writing this one is to just share what comes to my mind when I think about worship. And that is David.
David is one of my heroes. His prayers and songs were so honest and open. He sang when he was broken hearted, full of joy, when he screwed up, when he was convicted, and even when he was afraid. That is because David understood the true meaning of worship.
When I say worship, every person reading this will have a different idea of what that word means. To some, worship is just lights, guitars, a stage, etc. To others, maybe it’s singing a hymn or two before the pastor speaks. But worship is so much more than that. Since my dad’s in ministry, I've been in many different churches and I've seen many different styles of "worship". But I think somewhere along the way, it's become a selfish practice. People show up on sunday morning to get what they can out of worship and they fail to realize that worship has nothing to do with we want at all. And until that changes, we'll continue to miss out on something beautiful. Worship is sacrifice. It’s not about me and it's not about what I want.
I think David said it best. He'd fallen into sin and was told to buy a piece of land to sacrifice on in order to repent. So he went to this man in order to buy his threshing floor. The man told David that he could just have it free of charge. But David refused his offer. This was his response: "I will not give unto God that which cost me nothing."
To me, that is a perfect picture of worship. David didn't want to take a free threshing floor and give that over to God because God deserves something far more precious. Worship is costly, whether that be our time or even our dignity. I remember overhearing an older lady in our church talking to someone about the song “Undignified” one time saying she thought the song was silly and she refused to be undignified. She said that she was a Godly woman and to be undignified was just wrong. That was so sad to me. What is dignity but a pretty mask for pride to hide behind? As christians, we are to be like Christ. And Christ, the son of God, hung on a dirty, shameful cross for sins He did not commit. We actually talked about this in New Testament recently, but one of the main reasons Jews give for Jesus not being the messiah was because He was crucified. And Crucifixion was considered one of the lowest forms of punishment reserved only for those rejected by society. So why would the Son of God allow himself to die in such a humiliating manner? If Jesus could put dignity aside so that I might have life, that is more than enough for me to be undignified in my worship. Who cares what other people think? How can we truly worship when all we're thinking about is what others are thinking of us, the music being played, or songs being sung? Worship is falling at the feet of Jesus, pouring out all we are, and realizing who He is. True worship, pure worship, starts by the condition of our heart as we enter into it. It requires something of us. It is sacrificial, introspective, humiliating, and honest. Without that, the words are just words. The music is just lines and notes on a page. It is in that raw, honest moment of humility and surrender before the throne of God that we breathe life unto what we are singing. Worship isn't just singing how awesome God is, it's realizing how insignificant we are. I want my worship to be like David’s. I want my worship to be honest, and if that's crying out to God in anguish because I'm in a deep valley looking up at a mountain, than so be it. I won't let anyone tell me what worship is or isn't. It doesn't have to be pretty. Worship is too beautiful a thing to waste. And I would hate to miss out on that.
Maybe I’m just rambling now. It’s really late and I’m half asleep. But I guess I’ve heard/read so much about worship lately I just had some overflow thoughts. The end.
Monday, February 15, 2010
A post about nothing.
I have this dream (and it might be a foolish dream) that the man I marry is a musician. And not the famous kind, the quiet humble kind. I don't care if he's even in a band, I just want to be able to make music with him. I want his voice to be the last thing I hear before I fall asleep at night. I want to be able to come to him with a song and have him fill in the missing pieces. I want to sing our children to sleep together, like my parents did for me and my sisters.
It’s silly; I know. Probably selfish. But I've always thought about it.
On a random note, this made me laugh today.
It’s silly; I know. Probably selfish. But I've always thought about it.
On a random note, this made me laugh today.
bits of wisdom? i have collected thus far today.
If you have to start a sentence with, “I probably shouldn’t say this but…” then you probably shouldn’t say it. just sayin’.
All red candy is delicious.
All yellow candy is disgusting. (with the exception of lemon heads.)
Also, if you are a guy and you’d like to make a girl feel loved. give her a flower. leave it on her car. doesn’t matter. it’s cheesy, cliche, and we love it.*
* I said that last statement speaking for other girls. There are some girls who hate it. But for the record, most love it.
All red candy is delicious.
All yellow candy is disgusting. (with the exception of lemon heads.)
Also, if you are a guy and you’d like to make a girl feel loved. give her a flower. leave it on her car. doesn’t matter. it’s cheesy, cliche, and we love it.*
* I said that last statement speaking for other girls. There are some girls who hate it. But for the record, most love it.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Went outside to look at the snow with my dog friday night and just had some stuff on my mind. There were already a few inches of snow on the ground and the snow was still coming down heavily in large flakes. I stood by a tree in my front yard just by the street light. The road that runs in front of my house, which is usually fairly busy, was still and quiet. I watched as the snow caught the light from the streetlights as it fell and I couldn't help but stand in awe of the beauty of it. My street, which is normally filled with various cars and mismatched houses (some with very unkept yards), looked pristine in its newly found veil. You couldn't see anything but a perfect, spotless, blanket of white. And it painted me this picture of grace.
How much are we like that street? Some of us have big houses with perfectly manicured lawns while others are struggling to keep the inside of their houses together, let alone keep up the outside. But no matter how clean and perfect we might think our lives are, nothing compares to that stark white canvas. No matter how dirty we think we are or how far away from beautiful we may feel, the snow covers it all up.
Grace covers us like that snow covered the street. The snow doesn't choose what it covers; it just falls where it falls. God doesn't judge what our lives look like when we ask Him to cover us. He covers us in spite of what we are. He sees the beauty, the potential of what we could become if we allow ourselves to be covered in His grace. No matter how broken we are, that grace is more than enough to cover us and fill any holes we may have, like the snow filling and covering all the blemishes of a weather worn road.
How much are we like that street? Some of us have big houses with perfectly manicured lawns while others are struggling to keep the inside of their houses together, let alone keep up the outside. But no matter how clean and perfect we might think our lives are, nothing compares to that stark white canvas. No matter how dirty we think we are or how far away from beautiful we may feel, the snow covers it all up.
Grace covers us like that snow covered the street. The snow doesn't choose what it covers; it just falls where it falls. God doesn't judge what our lives look like when we ask Him to cover us. He covers us in spite of what we are. He sees the beauty, the potential of what we could become if we allow ourselves to be covered in His grace. No matter how broken we are, that grace is more than enough to cover us and fill any holes we may have, like the snow filling and covering all the blemishes of a weather worn road.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I was reading this verse tonight and I had one of those God moments, where it's like God hits you on the back of the head just to get your attention.
I've always heard of people talking about having spiritual dry spells, but I've never liked calling it that. Because to me that implies it was something beyond my control, when it was actually because it was in my control that I allowed that to happen. It's more like a phase of spiritual neglect.
I'm hopefully getting ready to transfer schools, and I want more than anything to figure out what it is I'm meant to do. And I need to be still, listening for God's voice now more than ever. When I read that verse, I realized why I have such a hard time hearing God. I haven't been seeking Him "wholeheartedly". I've been seeking Him with whatever part of my heart I have to spare at the time. How can I expect to hear what someone has to say if I'm only half-listening? It's the same with seeking God. How am I to know what He's telling me if I won't listen?
I can't explain it, but lately I feel like my soul has had this rush of cold water fill it to the roots. I feel this renewed energy and passion to seek God with all my heart. all of it. Because if I'm doing that, everything else will fall into place. One of the most used commands God gives in the Bible is, "Do not fear". I think fear and worry come hand in hand. And if we're seeking God with all our hearts and trusting Him in all we do, worries don't exist. This verse could not make it any clearer. If you want to hear from God, seek Him.
When I die, I hope people remember me for only a few things. 1. For listening to God and being His servant of all. 2. For being a good wife and mother. That's it. Also that I was really good at apples to apples.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
dissonance
So I should go ahead and warn you that this may make absolutely no sense at all. But it's just something I've thought about lately and if I don't write it out, it's going to eat me. Ok not really. But it has been on my mind.
I've talked to a lot of friends lately who've had really bad experiences with relationships. And I guess it really got me thinking about love. True love. Not this disgusting, watered down mess the world has made of it. But the pure, unselfish love that God designed. And maybe it's the (potential) music major in me that puts everything into musical terms...But this is just how I look at it.
When writing music, sometimes the composer puts in a few clashing notes to produce this thing called dissonance. Which is just simply a lack of harmony. However strange it may sound, it is still beautiful and serves a purpose. It really builds the suspense or emotion of a song leading up to a resolution or a cadence. While you may not notice it listening to music, I think you'd notice if it wasn't there. Or at least hear the difference. I guess I just view heartache and love in that same way. The failed attempts at love and heartbreaks are necessary in order to fully appreciate the beautiful resolution God has planned. If the dissonance wasn't there, the resolution would be less powerful. I also think the "dissonance" works as sort of a purifying process that God uses to mold us into the person we're supposed to be for the person He has out there for us. The dissonance proves that something better is coming. The waiting is probably the hardest part. But to me, knowing that God's taking such time to prepare someone for me makes me want to work that much harder on making myself into someone deserving of that.
I also picture finding your "true love" in musical terms. You've got two different melodies. Each written by God in perfect complement of the other. Each are beautiful when heard separately. but when played together, it becomes something else entirely. Where you might find others that work, there's only one that matches up perfectly. (That was silly.) This could just be the hopeless romantic in me talking. But again, this is all just my opinion. Half crazed, half sleep deprived opinion.
I should just go to sleep instead of typing this stuff.
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