stuff

I've so much on my mind and heart lately. God's been pulling weeds out of me that were rooted pretty deep. One of those being fear. Because the truth is, I'm afraid of what God's calling me to do.
I've always felt God calling me into doing something musical. Music has always been a huge part of my life and I believe God has woven it within every fiber of my body. There is just something about music that moves me like nothing else does. It's like someone reaches down into my soul and strums it like a harp; it resonates with in me. That is an incredibly cheesy analogy, I know. But I don't know how to explain it really.

I've felt Him calling me to do this for some time now. But I keep throwing excuses at Him because I'm scared. I'm not a great singer. I'm definitely not anywhere near a great guitar player. My piano is limited. Why not pick someone better equipped and talented? I've been fighting this for a while, but God got a hold of me a few weeks ago and gave me a good shaking. I was sitting in New Testament class and my teacher was talking about when Jesus chose his disciples. I guess I should blame the felt-board stories from sunday school, but I always pictured the disciples as full grown men with beards and laugh lines. However, some of the disciples were actually several years younger than I am now when God called them to follow Him. And he didn't call the rabbis. He didn't go after the greatest scholars and political leaders. He called fishermen. He called doctors.

Because He doesn't care about the amount of degrees you possess. He doesn't care if you aren't the best. He wants to use you because it is in our weakness that His power is the most evident. 2 Cor. 12:8-10. When God uses our weaknesses, we can't boast. Because it is only through his power that we are what we are. There is no sense in being afraid. And what am I afraid of? Looking like a goob? Being laughed out for sucking so bad? It doesn't matter. because it's not about me. It's about trusting God. And if God wants me to get up on a stage and play a song that may possibly be the cheesiest thing the world has ever heard or if he wants me to lead a group of people in worship, as long as that is what He wants from me. I'll do it. I'm a servant. And servants don't choose the tasks they are assigned. they simply do what their master asks of them. no questions asked.