"Jesus wept." - John 11:35

When I was reading through John this morning, I came across this verse. It's the shortest verse in the Bible, but I think it gets passed over too often. There's so much to take away from those two words.

To really understand all the meaning packed into this verse, you have to know what's going on in the context. Here you have Jesus coming to the side of his grieving friends at the death of their brother, Lazarus. Now when I first heard this verse as a kid, I assumed Jesus was weeping because his friend had passed away. It made sense. But when I really started reading this passage today, a little more came to mind. Why would Jesus be crying when he knew he had the power to raise Lazarus from the dead? That really took this verse to a completely different level for me. Maybe Jesus was crying because he also felt the heartbreak his friends were experiencing. He empathized with them. He was fully human and therefore had human emotions and experienced pain. He wept. I think you can also take a lot from that word "wept". He didn't just shed a few tears, he "wept" with his friends. He mourned with them. He hurt with them.

I think we sometimes forget about the humanity of Christ. We set him up on this unreachable place. He's this velvet painting with a halo around him. Too often we see Christ as two dimensional when we need to understand he had human emotions and human reactions. But He was still sinless and had complete faith in his Father.

In Luke 14:36, we see Jesus praying in the garden to His father. He calls out to God, "Abba". We see his intimate relationship with his Father just from the way he calls out to Him. Then Jesus prays with such intensity blood and sweat drop from his brow. Now I used to be under the idea that Jesus was upset because he knew he was about to die. But Jesus' inner struggle was on a much deeper level than that. It wasn't until I read David Platt's comments on this passage that it hit me. It shook me as a new understanding washed over me. Jesus knew that when he took the fate of the world upon his shoulders by dying on the cross, he was also taking on the wrath of God in a concentrated, unfathomable form. This wasn't just wrath from one person or for a few sins; this was the wrath of all the sins the world had committed, that were being committed, and would be committed forever until the end of time. Therefore, separating him from His Father. That was what weighed so heavily upon His mind. Yet even in His humanity, (emotions, pain, and all) He did what He was sent to do. No complaints. Only humble acceptance.

If we fail to recognize the humanity of Christ, we miss out on the beauty of the story. God sent His only son to live a life on earth as a human. He felt sadness, pain, and fear. He was tempted. He was no stranger to the obstacles we face. But even in his humanity, he still had complete faith in God and did the work of His Father. We are to live as examples of Christ because He was the example set for us.

Intoxicating.

I took a trip to the mountains with my family last weekend. You really can't capture the beauty of the mountains with words. I tried with my camera and failed miserably. I love it there. It's my favorite place to be, only second to the beach. I love it because of how small I feel when I'm there. My own insignificance becomes blindingly apparent amongst the towering landscape as I am reminded of how great God is.

Now before I can really finish this blog, I need to explain something. I constantly listen to music when I'm in the car. It's not that I'm anti-social, I just really enjoy that time where I can spend a few uninterrupted hours really digging into some music. So naturally on this trip, I was snuggled into my hoodie, ear buds in, taking in the view along The Blueridge Parkway. I was listening to Bryan and Katie Torwalt's "Here On Earth" when one of the songs really got a hold of me. And maybe it's weird, but I tend to have these mini worship services when I listen to worship music, even in random places. It doesn't matter where I am, in my room, on the beach, or at the gym. I guess I'm just easily overwhelmed by music. It has that effect on me. (In fact, I fell on the treadmill one time because I got a little too into a live Hillsong recording and missed my beat. You can laugh. The elderly lady walking next to me did.)

So here I am sitting in the back of my parents van looking out at these huge purple and blue silhouettes sweeping across the horizon and "I Breathe You In" starts playing. And as strange as it may sound, I just started crying like a little baby. There is no doubt in my mind that God was trying to tell me something in that moment. I've had a lot of doubts lately about a lot of different things, and I keep forgetting that I serve a God who is bigger than all of my petty issues. His ways are not our ways, as hard as that may be to swallow sometimes. Even when we can't fully comprehend our situation, He knows the outcome and holds everything in His hands. And the best part is even when we try to do everything on our own, He never leaves us. His presence always surrounds. It's intoxicating, refreshing, fulfilling, and sustaining. We need only to breath Him in.

I sat there in the back of the van allowing God to break me down, break down all the doubts and fears I'd been building. Because in all honestly, my mind was starting to look like a Jenga game. As scary as it is and as naked as it makes us feel, God wants us to surrender all our hopes and dreams to Him. Will they line up with His plans? I don't know. Sometimes we're not meant to know the answers.

My favorite line of the song is "when I don't understand, I will choose You." And that's been my prayer all this week. I may not know how any of this will end, but I'm going to trust God with all of it because He is good.

Fuel

I have a confession. And I know it's probably a terrible thing, but...I have this horrible habit of waiting as long as possible before refilling my tank of gas in my car. It's kind of like a weird game of chicken, where I see just how long I can drive with the gas light on before I break down and get more gas. My dad says it's really bad for my car and stupid, considering I could get caught in traffic and run out. And he's right. It is.

I was thinking a lot about this tonight. And you're probably seriously reconsidering your decision to read this blog right now, but I promise I'm going somewhere with this. As christians, we have this habit of doing that same thing to our relationship with God. We see how long we can go on a spiritual high before we "fill up" again. And that's wrong. Our relationship with God needs to be something we are constantly and consistently pursuing. We don't have any idea of the things we might face on any given day. We don't know the people God has placed in our paths to talk to on any given day. So it's better to be prepared that to come up short. We don't need to wait until we need to hear something from God before we seek Him. We should already be doing that, seeking Him everyday and asking the Holy Spirit to invade us.

All this has been brewing in my mind because lately I've really felt convicted in my own life. Seek God first. Because let's be honest, if you feel far from God, it's your own fault. God doesn't leave us, we wander off. It's a constant process. Seek God; find Him. It's not so much that we're asking the Holy Spirit to be present in our lives. Because as christians, the Holy Spirit dwells within us. Our prayer should be that we will recognize it and respond to it.

There is a phrase that I really hate. And that is "spiritually mature". There is never a time where after reaching a certain level of righteousness, a man shows up at your door with an award stating you've reached full spiritual maturity and then confetti cannons go off. That's because maturation is continuous. We work for it, but it's not something we can actually achieve here on earth. Although I do know there are some people father along in their maturation than others, we all have things we need to work on, learn. Maybe it's not so much a matter of where you are in your growth, but the fact that you are still growing and not becoming stagnant.

All this just to say, pursue God everyday. Don't wait until you have a need or the low fuel light comes on.

Good artists inspire other artists to be good artists.