I was reading this verse tonight and I had one of those God moments, where it's like God hits you on the back of the head just to get your attention.
I've always heard of people talking about having spiritual dry spells, but I've never liked calling it that. Because to me that implies it was something beyond my control, when it was actually because it was in my control that I allowed that to happen. It's more like a phase of spiritual neglect.
I'm hopefully getting ready to transfer schools, and I want more than anything to figure out what it is I'm meant to do. And I need to be still, listening for God's voice now more than ever. When I read that verse, I realized why I have such a hard time hearing God. I haven't been seeking Him "wholeheartedly". I've been seeking Him with whatever part of my heart I have to spare at the time. How can I expect to hear what someone has to say if I'm only half-listening? It's the same with seeking God. How am I to know what He's telling me if I won't listen?
I can't explain it, but lately I feel like my soul has had this rush of cold water fill it to the roots. I feel this renewed energy and passion to seek God with all my heart. all of it. Because if I'm doing that, everything else will fall into place. One of the most used commands God gives in the Bible is, "Do not fear". I think fear and worry come hand in hand. And if we're seeking God with all our hearts and trusting Him in all we do, worries don't exist. This verse could not make it any clearer. If you want to hear from God, seek Him.

When I die, I hope people remember me for only a few things. 1. For listening to God and being His servant of all. 2. For being a good wife and mother. That's it. Also that I was really good at apples to apples.

I see the goodness of God when He takes the time to weed the bad things out of my life that were planted there by my own hands.










Jeremiah 29:11-13

"Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense."
--C.S. Lewis

PS: I found five dollars in an old coat pocket tonight and it totally made my day.
PPS:I'm not really sure what that says about the kind of day I had...
PPPS: That is all. Thank you and goodnight.

dissonance

So I should go ahead and warn you that this may make absolutely no sense at all. But it's just something I've thought about lately and if I don't write it out, it's going to eat me. Ok not really. But it has been on my mind.

I've talked to a lot of friends lately who've had really bad experiences with relationships. And I guess it really got me thinking about love. True love. Not this disgusting, watered down mess the world has made of it. But the pure, unselfish love that God designed. And maybe it's the (potential) music major in me that puts everything into musical terms...But this is just how I look at it.

When writing music, sometimes the composer puts in a few clashing notes to produce this thing called dissonance. Which is just simply a lack of harmony. However strange it may sound, it is still beautiful and serves a purpose. It really builds the suspense or emotion of a song leading up to a resolution or a cadence. While you may not notice it listening to music, I think you'd notice if it wasn't there. Or at least hear the difference. I guess I just view heartache and love in that same way. The failed attempts at love and heartbreaks are necessary in order to fully appreciate the beautiful resolution God has planned. If the dissonance wasn't there, the resolution would be less powerful. I also think the "dissonance" works as sort of a purifying process that God uses to mold us into the person we're supposed to be for the person He has out there for us. The dissonance proves that something better is coming. The waiting is probably the hardest part. But to me, knowing that God's taking such time to prepare someone for me makes me want to work that much harder on making myself into someone deserving of that.

I also picture finding your "true love" in musical terms. You've got two different melodies. Each written by God in perfect complement of the other. Each are beautiful when heard separately. but when played together, it becomes something else entirely. Where you might find others that work, there's only one that matches up perfectly. (That was silly.)
This could just be the hopeless romantic in me talking. But again, this is all just my opinion. Half crazed, half sleep deprived opinion.

I should just go to sleep instead of typing this stuff.